i don’t stay long enough to hear the applause
mainly because i feel like i don’t deserve it
i don’t stay long enough to be loved
letters from lost lovers lie strangled in mess of my mind
i don’t dare to open them
for im scared of all the missed love stories
i move through people’s lives like a drift
i don’t like the ways they’ve looked at me.
the ways they’ve perceived me.
i don’t know when i turn transform from a person to a concept
a figment of their ideas.
i run back to my home reducing everything into a metaphor
they asked me where do i want to be in the next 5 years
i want to have an exit door
i want a little extra space
i want the little spaces between the boxes to breathe
to flow into
i want to run as i fast i can
i want to breathe in a land beyond the four walls
i want the strength to push these walls when they creep onto me
when every metaphor i write comes crumbling down into the ugly truth it was
when no artistry can aid the blood dripping over the same four walls;
when i can’t separate my breath and smoke anymore
i need the strength.
to fight back.