Author Archives: thatreaderbee

// a year of estrangement//

its been a year since you’ve gone

the summers had the chaos.

but i loved the peace while i was caged inside your arms.

the autumn came: the fall season.

the leaves fell and so did i.

i fell apart thinking of you.

the winters came.

they were dry.

they weren’t as comforting as they were with you.

now, it’s spring all over again.

i still wish you could come right back to me.

if not,

remember,

i love you.

-A.

Dear Future Lover,

Hey. We might be a thousand miles away right now but I believe in magic. The magic that would bring us together.

Honestly, I am not perfect. Rather, I’m flawed and am a shitty person. I make mistakes. But I promise, I would be the best version of me for you.

When you arrive to my heart, I will say “Hey. Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.” I would want to know of your past to know how you want to be loved. I’ll listen to your endless tales and learn how to love you.

I will tell you you’re beautiful when you’re all dressed up. I will tell you you’re beautiful when you’re all messy and exhausted by a long day. Because I believe. I believe you’re beautiful.

When you’ve a bad day, when you would “act differently”; I won’t blame you for anything. I’ll rather sit by your side and ask “what made you feel that way?”

I’ll write you letters and expect the same in return because I love the old school romance.

I will write you poems and poems on you that you’ll never know are for you.

When you leave; i will say “Thank you for visiting. I love you.” Your letters would always remain in my journal and our memories in my heart.

-A.

Hey. It’s been a minute since we last talked. We really messed up this time, didn’t we? I wanted to thank you. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for the stories and experiences. Thank you for dealing with me when I was wrong and made mistakes. I don’t know how and why I fell for you but I did and it was beautiful; that’s what really matters. With each passing day, I want to come back to you but I still haven’t forgiven myself for what I did to you. I want to ask you that will the person you’ll find me in would know about everything you told me? Will they know of ‘us’; the ‘us’ I thought we were?

I wish whatever you said was a lie.

You told me, you won’t live any longer

With my whole fucking heart, I wish it was a lie.

I wish, You would live fully, love fully, laugh fully

I wish, I was just another story in your whole novel.

With this thought, I realized,

I was deeply in love with you,

I had fallen for you and how

You had captivated my soul

No sould had ever

I never loved myself the way I loved you

I felt each part of me had a little you engraved in it

I felt you gave me forever in those limited months

Every atom in my body wants to scream

“I’ll never stop loving you. I love you to death.”

-A.

dear broken relationships,

i may not deserve to say this but i am sorry. i am sorry. maybe we could’ve taken that one chance. maybe we could’ve changed things but i wish you understand. i wish you understand i needed to walk away. i wish you understand i needed to burn that bridge. i couldn’t stitch up your wounds any longer, i was bleeding too. i don’t have the strength to come back to you. i may regret this in future but i can’t let that fear decide for me now. i am sorry for being a disappointment. i am sorry for not putting in that extra effort. i hope we meet again, maybe wiser this time.🌙

-A.

Hey. How have you been? I hope you’re doing well and staying safe. I know I may haven’t been in touch lately or maybe for a while. It’s been a minute. Trust me I disconnected myself from you was for good. Good for both of us. I knew you wouldn’t understand me and I couldn’t allow you to hurt me. I want you to understand that when I tell you I’m hurt; I don’t want you to try to fix me. I don’t want you to show me the positive side and tell that there’s nothing to cause my misery. It won’t do any good to me, it would just drift us apart. I’m sorry that I expected you to understand. Thank you for staying the time you stayed. You are always there in my memories and stories.

you call it laziness,
but
i feel something taking my life
away from me
you are too blind to understand
i’m too exhausted to explain
maybe i’m lazy
maybe you don’t understand me
maybe i’m just useless.
-A.

Heyyy people! This is the first post I wrote for #BlogchatterA2Z with the letter A. My theme for this challenge is “The Unspoken Letters”. Looking up to write more of these posts. 🙂