Author Archives: thatreaderbee

Dearest,

 i can feel loosing my mind. there’s something cold growing in my heart. the coldness brewing in my heart has numbed it. my feet have frozen,

i don’t realize when i

start playing with ring on my fingers

 peeling off my skin

 i have scars i don’t remember giving myself.

there are flashes before my eyes,

whispers i can’t seem to make sense of.

 and i can’t fight them any longer.

but i want you to know, i lived exactly how you wanted me to.

 i felt strong enough to fight my abuser back,

 sent in my resumé, got accepted,

wrote songs, poetries,

there are still a thousand things to write about, to speak on but it seems in vain,

watched my final sunrise and sunset,

enjoyed looking at you for a long time

i loved you,

you loved me,

and there were days I knew,

I knew it’s all going to be okay if this is forever,

but you can’t hold onto something forever.

and happiness doesn’t look like that for me.

and im way too lost here to find my home,

because I don’t know where it is.

i can’t find a way back home because i’m tired.

i’m tired and I can’t find my happily ever after here.

and I don’t know where to go.

-Avni Jain

An Open Letter to Every Parent,

In fear of loss of privileges you have provided, in fear of getting comments like “it’s just a phase”, in fear of being thought of as weak, we have silenced ourselves for way too long. Harsh parenting is just as scary as any other violence. It can lead to self depreciating thoughts and physical ill health. Overprotecting us, keeping us “safe” from unpleasant social situations won’t help us, that deprives us of our skills we still haven’t explored, our abilities we are yet to discover. The life events are unpleasant but they are ordinary. We want to know our parents support us. It is a tough world for us out there but we want our home to be safe.

We know your childhood was more difficult than ours. We understand how it affected you but we want you to understand that ours is just as difficult.

As teenagers, we are constantly trying to find ourselves; we are forming our personalities, our behaviours, we are still learning about ourselves and people’s opinions about us, our surroundings play major role in it. Telling us our interests don’t matter, our opinions don’t matter can lead to individuality complex because since a young age we are being taught things we like are ‘bad’.

“It will all be fixed with age”, yes it will. We will grow enough to understand but right now we are here. We are feeling this and if we can’t understand right now, we want you to understand.

“It is just a phase”, neither of us have permanent state of ourselves. We are constantly evolving, learning to be a better person, unlearning our toxic behaviours but what we are now, what we feel now is real, it matters. We want it to matter to you too, we want it to matter to you enough for you to make us feel that our emotions are valid, that though thick and thin you are here for us.

With Love,

Avni Jain

Title: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Author: Stephen Chbosky

Pages: 211

Genre: Young Adult, Contemporary

Charlie: The protagonist of the book. Charlie’s character is portrayed as rather immature for a 15-year-old. There has been a lot of questioning about why Charlie is the way he is. The answer can be summed up in one word- childhood trauma. Charlie’s character is way too deep but the writing style didn’t do justice to that. But as Charlie does say in the story that he writes the way he speaks, it adds up to an easy read. His character in the movie is way better than in the book. If the story was narrated better it could have been way more interesting.

Patrick: I love Patrick’s character so much??? His love for his partner, his constant efforts to make everything better for people around him. Patrick and Sam are Charlie’s senior and “popular” kids of the school. Patrick’s character is fun-loving.

Sam: I related to Sam’s character the most! The way she confronts Charlie understood him and had the right words for him to listen, all of it had me in awe of her. The fact that she thinks of herself as if she doesn’t deserve someone who loves her wholeheartedly, makes me understand her character so much more. She deserves a lot more appreciation.

There are so many quotable quotes in the book! All of them give a positive outlook to the book. I love how relationships are portrayed in this book- the friendships, the heartbreaks, pain and anger. I also admire how the character’s love for music and literature is shown!!! I made a playlist for this book. You can add it here!!!!

“the world of first dates, family dramas and new friends. of sex, of drugs, and the rocky horror picture show. of those wild and poignant roller-coaster days known as growing up.”

Overall, this book made me cry but it has the potential to do a lot more. I recommend watching its movie too, it is better than the book. Woah, I guess this is the first time I am saying this.

3.5/5

• Title: The Colour of Your Voice
• Author: Daniel Newwyn
• Pages: 119

What happens when a call girl and a death row prisoner fall in love?

Violet Pham can see sounds. The brown chirps of the sparrows dance with the colors of their feathers. The green blobs from her mother weave into her squeaky berates.

She believes she was born to become a painter but after being labeled as a burden by everyone around her, she questions that belief. The colors around the sounds become a curse rather than a gift. With her future unsettled and her family mired in debt, there is only one solution: run away from everything.

That’s when she meets Turner Nguyen. He’s everything she wishes she could be—an iron will and a flint heart. There’s only one thing wrong with him. He’s at the center of gang wars, uses his fists to collect debts, and makes his money off the addiction of others.

Soon, the sound of his words paints Violet’s world with the ugly shade of disaster. Where will they go from here?

‘The Color of Your Voice’ is a tragic, depressing love story that speaks to the lows of human experience. It deals with themes of self-esteem, desperation, and salvation. If this is your cup of tea, then this book is for you.

Disclaimer: ‘The Color of Your Voice’ is a novella set in Vietnam, dealing with heavy themes such as prostitution, drug trafficking, and depression. The author in no way encourages or glorifies prostitution and drug trafficking.

The Colour of Your Voice is a short read but it stays with you. It is set in Vietnam. The story follows a young abused prostitute falling in love with a criminal Turner Nguyen. I loved the idea of the book. It feels as if the author is painting human thoughts in the book.

Violet knelt down to the ground as the sounds of Turner grew quieter and quieter. She clenched the painting in her hand, her hiccups mixed in tears, bitter. The ground beneath her drenched into a puddle.

The sky changed colour. The colour of the earth was as dark as his voice.

The readers can feel the pain of characters as we follow the story. The emotions have been expressed beautifully. The plot is interesting and the twists in the story keep the reader intrigues till the end! It contains themes like drug trafficking, depression and prostitution. This is an interesting take on “bad guy, good girl” trope.

The book is a short read but characters could have been built better.

4/5

* I received a free copy of this book in exchange of an honest review*