my museum of failures at almost 21

day one of stream of consciousness writing

all our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them

– walt disney

i heard somewhere, it was as if I was brimming with ambition but had nowhere to pour it. that singular line broke me because I had often felt like that: when my poetry transcript didn’t get through for my dream venue, when my most admired lab did not have any vacancies, and, of course, the most hurtful of all, when my undergraduate study abroad application did not go through. for each of these quests, i had taken all the right steps: tailoring and perfecting my proposal, manifestation, visualisation, just about every piece of advice the internet could provide. i understood it as the holy grail and committed to it as if i had found the secret weapon, a key to the door encaging all my desires.

i soon realised that is rarely the case. you can do everything right and still not be rewarded in the way you believe you must be. i do not mean to discourage you with this fact, but stop waiting for one moment to unlock your dream life; i have wasted months doing the same. we are of the belief that life is happening to us. it is not. we are building our lives day by day: reading the classic book on a rainy evening, sitting through the boring lecture, slugging out the internship you had to take on to pay the bills; each moment is building you up for your most authentic version.

the science research that ultimately led me to international conferences was not inspired by my work at some admired lab in the country. the inspiration struck me when i was a part of a social science study undertaken at my university. the poem which has been appreciated by respected poets of the country was an idea I had been playing around with for months until i penned it down and was so scared i copped out the first time i had to perform it. my most-read article on here was a quick freelance assignment i had taken on during my leisure time in COVID.

you will never know when your luck clock strikes, so all you can do is choose something you will enjoy, where the journey seems so enjoyable, the destination is just the cherry on top.